Will you tell me how my story sounds?

First Of All.. For Only Being 13 years old... you have a knack for writing.. for sure! Your very ..descriptive. But.. you are too wordy. Some of your sentence go on too long. Its not necessary. There is one rule when writing that your need to adhere to. "Show" don't tell. You need to make the people feel.. like they are the ones running in the rain. For example if your wet from the rain. Point made. You are dragging out/on an on. Don't. Keep the sentences powerful .. yet simple. Its not real easy to do. But.. you don't want to bore the reader. I have read plenty of books where I couldn't or didn't want to finish the book because the author bored me to tears. I have read other books that I did not .. want to put down and couldn't if I tried. Because .. the sentences made such a strong point.. and there were details and descriptions that said a lot in a short sentence. Then the reader moved it on. Dragging it one.. sounds like your dragging someone through the mud for pages. I loved it though! Your imagination was excellent. I would suggest at your age.. you take some individual cles somewhere for writing.. or creative writing. Also.. take and learn screen writing to write scripts for Hollywood. I read.. there are not many who do this skill well or master it. You can do that also. They make a lot of money. Start now.